Love is in the air! In this episode, Carmina and Patch discuss Filipino courtship rituals and traditions that range from the endearing to the dangerous. Discover little-known pre-colonial customs and learn about debunked myths about one of the most beloved Filipino courtship traditions.
To learn more: Courtship in the Pre-Colonial Philippines, Pre-Hispanic Marriage Customs, Filipino Dating: Evolution of Courtship in the Philippines, Traditions of Courtship & Engagement in the Philippines, LOVE, COURTSHIP IN FILIPINO CULTURE, DIFFERENT MARRIAGE AND WEDDING CUSTOMS IN THE PHILIPPINES, Harana.PH, 10 Misconceptions About The Custom of Harana, The Pamamanhikan Process: Rules & Script Explained, and 3 Filipino Heritage Dishes.
YouTube video of PASA-GULI: Pamana ng Lahi: Pasaguli
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Love is in the air! In this episode, Carmina and Patch discuss Filipino courtship rituals and traditions that range from the endearing to the dangerous. Discover little-known pre-colonial customs and learn about debunked myths about one of the most beloved Filipino courtship traditions.
To learn more: Courtship in the Pre-Colonial Philippines, Pre-Hispanic Marriage Customs, Filipino Dating: Evolution of Courtship in the Philippines, Traditions of Courtship & Engagement in the Philippines, LOVE, COURTSHIP IN FILIPINO CULTURE, DIFFERENT MARRIAGE AND WEDDING CUSTOMS IN THE PHILIPPINES, Harana.PH, 10 Misconceptions About The Custom of Harana, The Pamamanhikan Process: Rules & Script Explained, and 3 Filipino Heritage Dishes.
YouTube video of PASA-GULI: Pamana ng Lahi: Pasaguli
To support FilTrip, go to the Patreon page here and PayPal page here.
Visit https://filtrip.buzzsprout.com. Drop a note at thefiltrip@gmail.com.
Thanks to FilTrip's sponsor SOLEPACK. Visit thesolepack.com for more details.
See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for Privacy Policy.
Welcome to FilTrip, a podcast where we explore everything fun, weird, and in between about the Philippines. And now a quick shout out. Check out Manila Candle. Manila Candle features Filipino inspired scents like Tagaytay, Palawan, Ube Halaya and Buco and Mango. They also have fun ones like Ay Nako and Bahala Ka Sa Buhay Mo.
Patch:Enjoy their car fresheners, wax melts and merchandise to visit manilacandle.com and take a trip to the Philippines through their scents.
Carmina:Back to our show. Today's trip is a culture trip where we talk about customs and traditions. And since it's Valentine's Day soon Patch, when we publish this episode, we're going to be talking about courtship traditions in the Philippines.
Patch:When I was researching about Jose Rizal, I came across some information that Jose Rizal often sent correspondence or love letters to Leonare Rivera, who was the inspiration for Maria Clara.
Carmina:Because of this habit of Jose Rizal to write love letters, it kind of inspired this tradition.
Patch:Specifically, it's a form of poetry, right? Called Balak.
Carmina:Balak is the spoken version of another tradition that we're gonna be talking about called the Harana.
Patch:So Balak is really a general term for spoken poetry. It doesn't necessarily have to be about love, but it is more popularly used in courtship in the Visayas region, particularly in Cebu, where in the suitor recites love verses in a very emotional and expressive manner. And it brings into mind the traditions during the colonial times. So during colonial times, the women were supposed to still be very shy, very conservative. And it's funny because the way they would signal their interest to their potential suitors were using handkerchiefs and fans that had codes<laugh>. D epending on what the communication was, the s uitor would then either advance his intentions and if she reciprocates, they would start dating.
Carmina:So Patch, speaking of spoken traditions during courtship, this one originates from Palawan. I don't know if it's still practiced today. It's called pasaguli or riddle courtship. Both sets of parents are participants in this, and it's the parents who exchange love riles, not the couple.
Patch:O kay?
Carmina:And there are two purposes for this. So of course the first is to express or declare that the couple love each other and want to get married. The other purpose is to get to know each other as a family. Only after the woman's family is satisfied with the answers to their riddles, will they proceed to the next phase, which is called pabalik, which is the negotiation of the dowry. I tried to find examples of riddles<laugh> that were exchanged during this tradition. Unfortunately, I could not. And so of course my imagination ran wild about the kinds of riddles that were exchanged during this tradition.
Patch:I was just thinking, what if the riddles aren't solved?
Carmina:<laugh> Then, sorry, boy, your family failed<laugh>. Can you imagine how annoyed that guy would be?
Patch:Why do I have a feeling riddles were exchanged in advance<laugh>, just to make sure.
Carmina:I know, right. Anyway, so once the woman's family is satisfied, they proceed to the next phase called the pabalik, which is the negotiation of the dowry. This led me to the discovery of another tradition that has to do with the dowry called the hukot. And this one was practiced by the Ilonggos. It's a very unique Patch.
Patch:How so?
Carmina:It's like an auction. The opening bid starts at one peso from the groom side<laugh>. It can't increase by any more than an additional peso with every round until the bid is accepted.
Patch:What?
Carmina:This must have been during the time when a peso really was worth a lot, because if this happened today, I can't imagine that anyone would accept a bid of even 1000 pesos. So that's a thousand rounds right there.
Patch:Right?
Carmina:And then there's this other Visayan tradition called the bigay kaya, which is also basically a dowry. An amount is agreed upon by the families when marriage arrangements are also being discussed. It could include gold or land beyond a monetary amoun t called the pasonor. But wait, it doesn't stop there. The mom could also ask called panghihimuyat, which is the equivalent of the amount of education and caring that was provided for the woman's rearing years.
Patch:That sounds very progressive. I like that.
Carmina:And maybe you'd like to revive it since uh, you have a daughter<laugh>, right?
Patch:That's right. Peak my interest for sure.<laugh>.
Carmina:But there's more. There's also the pasoso, and if you're Tagalog, this could remind you of the Tagalog word for breast, which is suso.
Patch:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>.
Carmina:And when I read that description, it kind of made sense. It's basically compensation for the wet nurse who took care of the woman while growing up.
Patch:Okay, that's interesting.
Carmina:So someone might think that it's all about money, but actually it's symbolism for showing gratitude or appreciation on the groom side for the care given to the bride to be, which the groom would now benefit from hopefully.
Patch:Well, we were talking about the hukot and lyricism. It also reminds me of this other tradition during the courtship stage, which is the harana, the most popular courtship tradition that we have. Although, I never did experience that. No one ever attempted to serenade me.<laugh>.
Carmina:Me either.
Patch:Okay. So for those who are not familiar with this tradition, harana or serenade in which men introduced themselves and uh, woo their loved one by serenading them beneath their window, while certainly those who could sing very well had an advantage, they could ask a group of their friends and other musicians to accompany them.
Carmina:Like backup singers?
Patch:Correct.<laugh>. And in fact, that really was part of the tradition. It was a process. I thought that you would just bring your friends, you go over to the woman's house and start singing. But apparently there's a little bit more of a process to it.
Carmina:Just like American Idol or the Voice. Apparently<laugh>, there's a point system involved in harana. You get more points if there are more feelings to the performance.
Patch:<laugh>. Really? Oh, that's funny. I didn't come across that. The first stage is the panawagan or announcement that the haranistas are outside the window. This is followed by the pagtatapat or proposal which takes place inside the house. And only if the seranaded person opens the window and invites the one serenading into the house. And this proposal may be followed by the panagutan or response by the serenaded. The final stage is the pamamaalam or the farewell.
Carmina:So that pagtatapat Patch, I read a little bit more detail about it and it reminded me of a lip sync battle or a rap battle. Apparently when that happens, the guy is in it for a long night.<laugh>. So to describe, the woman can reply also through song that usually indicates that she's not yet satisfied with the performance<laugh>, and she doesn't yet accept the guy. So the man has to answer again, also in songs. So there's a little bit of, uh, improvisation that needs to happen on the guy's side side when this happens. And there's usually a back and forth until they finally reach a mutual agreement, also done during song. And then the equivalent of this to the Maranaos is called the tubad tubad where the couple exchange flirtatious verses.
Patch:This is stressing me out<laugh>.
Carmina:Right. Because both of them basically have to be quick on their feet. Can you imagine composing lyrics and melody during this whole thing?
Patch:I wonder if they were also spectators outside of the family, because that would be fun to watch, right?
Carmina:Somewhere in Batangas. While it is the woman who appears in the window, you know how traditionally the scene of a harana is a woman up on a window somewhere and then the man is down below? Right behind her apparently is uh, a lot of family members.
Patch:This brings me to this article I found about misconceptions about harana.
Carmina:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>
Patch:One of the misconceptions is that unwanted visitors are frequently doused with water<laugh>. I've seen that. I believed in a movie, right? Yes. If they don't like your singing or they don't like you, they basically open the window and douse you with water?
Carmina:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>
Patch:Apparently that's not really a common practice. The event of the harana is very respectful and formal. Including the family of the woman who's being serenaded. There's also the misconception that t he haranistas ar rive d runk. Again, that is not true because there's like a strict co de o f honor and tradition.
Carmina:Uh, but I have a theory on why they may have sometimes appeared drunk. Okay? Maybe they were just trying to, uh, get liquid courage<laugh> and went overboard.
Patch:<laugh>. Maybe.
Carmina:I couldn't imagine. Cuz you know when these scenes are depicted, right? And it probably did happen during those times. It was on a street in full view of anybody and everybody. So I can just imagine hecklers from other houses. That must have happened.
Patch:Probably. So, you know, I was thinking, are there still any remnants of the tradition of harana today? And apparently there is. The way it's performed is actually very modern. For example, I came across this website, harana.ph. You basically hire someone.
Carmina:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>
Patch:To serenade your loved one. And they bring chocolates, flowers, teddy bears. The person being serenaded could be serenaded in their office.<laugh>. You book it online and then you schedule the serenade. It's very cute.
Carmina:So before we leave the harana Patch, there were a few other pre-Hispanic customs that I think might be, you know, equivalent to the harana. And this one is interesting because I can't imagine how this translates to courtship or showing love for a woman.<laugh>. One pre-colonial custom was for a man to throw a spear toward the front of the woman's house while saying an incantation directed towards the woman's ancestors and the gods to ask for blessings. The man was also apparently accompanied by friends for encouragement<laugh>. If you were the woman or the woman's parents and you saw a man with a spear accompanied by a bunch of his friends, would that be the first thing you'd think of?
Patch:Well, that time, yes.<laugh>.
Carmina:And hopefully that was also a scheduled event. The other one involved theTausugs. The palabas, sarakahan tupul, or magpasumbahi is what this is called. The s uitor presents the woman's father with a knife called barong or kali. He professes h is love and asks for her hand i n marriage and then get t his, Patch. He tells the father that if he isn't accepted, he might as well die. So the father can stab him with a knife.
Patch:<laugh>, Oh!
Carmina:It's part of the speech. Like it's always part of the speech, apparently<laugh>. But can you imagine if he really wasn't accepted by either the woman or the father, or both? How many people ended up dead rejected and dead. And then another version of this involves the Bagobos. The suitor sends a knife to the woman's home. And if the weapon is accepted, then that's equivalent to accepting the man's proposal. So many knives.
Patch:<laugh>. Oh, you know what Carmina, I just remembered. I also came across a less dangerous<laugh> way of a suitor letting his loved one know of his intention. It's just more of a tastier version.<laugh>.
Carmina:O kay.
:Called minukmok. Have you heard of that?
Carmina:No.
Patch:So minukmok is a traditional courtship ritual dish in the Quezon province. When a man is serious about pursuing a woman, he will pay a visit to their house and request a pakikipa mukmukan. He pounds bananas on a wooden mortar and a giant pestle. And while he's pounding the boiled bananas, the woman mixes the ingredients with a wooden spoon. And they continue this process until the ingredients are well combined and very mushy. They show the result of their labor to the woman's parents who then evaluates the dish basically based on taste and texture. Assuming it passes their standards, then they allow the man to formally court the woman.
Carmina:Hmm.
Patch:And so some of the ingredients, it can vary. Not always a banana, but they apparently also use sweet potato sometimes.
Carmina:Mm-hmm.<affirmative>.
Patch:Sugar and butter, and in modern times they even add grated coconuts, peanut butter and condensed milk.
Carmina:Mm.
Patch:Very tasty.
Carmina:I like that tradition.
Patch:So this is similar to the tradition of paninilbihan. Paninilbihan also known or in translation is servitude. The man goes to the home of the woman that he loves and d oes household chores.< laugh> p ut simply right? He performs different acts of servitude, like gathering wood.
Carmina:House repairs,
Patch:<laugh> House repairs,
Carmina:Fetching water is the more popular one that we see.
Patch:Fetching water. And basically he's showing his intentions.
Carmina:I read that this could go on from a few days to longer than a few months.<laugh>. If I were the dad of the woman, I would delay all of my house repairs until this phase of the courtship.
Patch:Exactly.<laugh>.
Carmina:And also to me Patch its is kind of pointless because what's stopping this guy from doing all that during the courtship and then not lifting a finger for the rest of the marriage. There has to be some kind of contract that it will continue beyond the courtship.
Patch:That's right.
Carmina:This is closely connected to another tradition called the pasalubon. In a none marriage context, we know that pasalubong means gifts. It involves gifts from the man to the woman's parents or family.
Patch:Reminds me like during the olden days though, they usually have a lot of children in the family.<laugh>.
Carmina:Well, this, they play out in my mom and dad's courtship story. But...
Patch:Yeah, that's what I was thinking, mine too.
Carmina:So my mom was telling me about her courtship story and my dad's courtship story. My dad would come to visit and in the beginning when he came to visit his pasalubong was local brands of chocolate like Presto or Goya. But then my Lola or my grandma made a comment that it was local. So my mom told my dad, and the next time he came around, he upgraded it to Baby Ruth.
Patch:<laugh>.
Carmina:I thought that was really cute.
Patch:So Carmina, let's say they've been dating now for a while, depending on how much the family needs...
Carmina:The house repaired?
Patch:<laugh>, Right? Let's say things have progressed now and they want to get married. So the next step is the pamamanhikan, which is the traditional meeting of couples families to ask the bride for her hand in marriage.
Carmina:So did you ever wonder why it's called pamamanhikan? Because roughly translated it means to lime.
Patch:I just thought it is a literal translation of the fact that yes, the most houses, they have these stairs to climb.
Carmina:Right? It describes the act of a suitor climbing the stairs to the entrance of the house of the woman he'd like to marry. So he can ask for her hand in marriage. So what happens Patch, during pamamanhikan?
Patch:So basically the man and his parents pay a visit to the woman's family and ask for their permission to marry their daughter. And the potential groom to be usually brings gifts. The bride-to-be's family prepares food for this gathering. They discuss the wedding, they set the date. And when it comes to expenses of the wedding, it was traditionally expected that the grooms family would pay for the wedding. Oh, you know, I'm not sure if this is part of the tradition of pamamanhikan, but there is a tradition pagluluhod, which is very similar. But there is an interesting part of this tradition wherein a traditional game displayed by both sides of the family, in which an item from each other's family would be taken.
Carmina:What?
Patch:Yeah, really. They would steal the item<laugh>. So it would be something simple like a spoon or a knife. Each family would have to guess what was missing and they wouldn't really require the other party to return it. I thought that was pretty funny.
Carmina:It is. And the knife again, huh?<laugh>. Well, not necessarily the knife, but it could be a knife.<laugh>, As I was reading on these things, Patch, I just thought that there were so many interesting terminologies related to courtship in our tradition. So do you remember the word reto? Meaning?
Patch:Right.
Carmina:I am trying to match me.
Patch:So basically you're shipping<laugh>.
Carmina:Yes. Shipping, yes. That that's the modern equivalent of reto. The other one that I thought was just an interesting terminology is ligaw, which means to woo someone and ligawan is courtship. But the other one that really was interesting, and I really went down a rabbit hole for this, is the terminology. torpe<laugh>. Do you remember torpe?
Patch:I was having a conversation with my daughter about that, and I really could not find a, uh, direct translation<laugh>.
Carmina:Apparently there really isn't. But to explain to our listeners what torpe is, it's a man who doesn't have the courage to approach a girl he likes, and thus he needs a friend to act as the tulay or the bridge
Patch:The wingman.
Carmina:Exactly. As I said, I tried to find the origin and the closest word in English that I found, which you can probably now tell your daughter, is dork.
Patch:<laugh>,
Carmina:Which in the English dictionary could mean stupid or socially inept or out of touch with social trends. I thought that was really interesting. So tell her about it.
Patch:<laugh>. Okay,
Carmina:So people might wonder why we're not concluding with weddings<laugh>. And that's because there are just so many other things to talk about when it comes to weddings. So we're reserving that for another episode.
Patch:Until then, Carmina!
Carmina:That's our episode. We hope you join us on our next trip. O siya, siya!
Patch:Ingat! Thanks for listening to FilTrip with Carmina and Patch. Support FilTrip through Patreon or PayPal, and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. Subscribe at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever all podcasts are downloaded.
Carmina:Thanks to FilTrip sponsor, Solepack, a functional shoe accessory bag. Visit thesolepack.com for more details.
Patch:Email us at thefiltrip@gmail.com.